Little Universe

[This post is copied over from The Wonderer.]

In secondary school, I was probably the last person my classmates would have expected to campaign for head student. Everyone knew that it was just a popularity contest. And as a quiet nerd who generally busied myself with amassing good grades and not attracting attention, I was obviously not qualified for the job.

So why did I campaign? Was I deluded? Did I suddenly WANT the attention, after spending most of my school life avoiding it as much as possible? With my timid, un-confident manner, what would I have even done with all that head-student influence anyway? And who did I think was going to vote for me in the first place?

I nominated myself for head student 16 years ago, and since then, I haven't thought much about it. A bold action like this deserves more attention, but only in recent weeks did I remember it and give it some actual thought. And my biggest question to myself was: why did I do it? After all, I knew full well that I was fighting a losing battle from start to finish.

It took a while to figure it out, but I eventually realised that I was motivated by two important values. At the time, I wasn't actually aware that I was following any specific values, much less articulate them clearly. Trying for head student just felt like something I wanted to do.

Now, after a good session of wondering, I can, for the first time, articulate my reasons. Here are the two values that motivated me:

1. Give it a go. Although my campaign would have broadly been seen as a complete waste of time for everyone involved, the fact is that there was nothing stopping me from participating.

2. Observe what's needed, and use my resources to provide it as best I can. Popularity contest aside, being head student was an opportunity to make a positive difference to my school environment.

That's it in a nutshell, but I'll go into them below. In the years since then, I've held on to these values and tried to follow them throughout my life.

The First Value: Giving it a go

This isn't an 'I'll try anything once' situation – I'm not adventurous enough to try skydiving or ayahuasca, for example. But I do like to nudge my own boundaries a little, and keep things interesting. That takes precedence over failing. When opportunities to do something different from the norm present themselves, I'm not quick to say no. I'll often at least consider it.

That's why I took, for example, a nunchucks course (my gym was trialling one and invited students to join at a reduced cost) and a stand-up comedy course (a Saturday afternoon, for free). It's also what motivated me to ask some strangers in a coffee shop if I could join their conversation because it was so interesting (they said yes and it was delightful), and to teach myself ukulele (when we were stuck inside due to covid restrictions, I ordered the instrument online and followed tutorials on youtube).

Now, this is starting to read like a resume of humble-bragging. But I'm not humble-bragging. I am literally showing off. And do you know why? Because I never get to show off about this stuff and this is my blog and therefore I get to decide. OK, no. OK, maybe a little bit. But also because it's because some of you also have a list like this. And I hope you'll give yourself adequate credit for it.

And if you don't have a list like this? You can make one. It just takes asking yourself, when an opportunity presents itself, “what if I don't say no immediately?” This is such a gentle question, but it has given me so much. I am not in the habit of telling people what to do. I just ask that you not say no immediately to this idea.

By the way, I don't say yes to every opportunity. There are a bunch of things I had the opportunity to learn or do, that I said no to. The point, though, is that I said no after considering it – sometimes it wasn't my thing, sometimes I didn't have the energy or time to do it, sometimes other reasons. It's important to me to be at least a little excited about what I say yes to, and not force things.

The Second Value: See what's needed and provide it

This one is even closer to my heart. At some point when I was a teenager, I read a quote along the lines of: “The definition of a hero is not someone who has superhuman skills and wears a cape. A hero is someone who notices what's needed and does their best to provide it.”

Oh man, I'm getting all mushy just typing that out. It gives me a surge of energy, pride and thankfulness, even though I've known this quote for about 15 years – the effect hasn't worn off for me. I don't remember the author, but wish I could thank them for saying that.

So why all the mushiness? Because when I first read that quote, I had very little self-confidence. It was the first spark of inspiration that showed me that even I, a confused, reserved, and angsty teenager, could be more than what I believed I was.

At that time, I was studying for exams, deciding what subject to take at university, and taking whatever extracurricular activities would strengthen my applications. They were my main priorities. Being socially awkward, bad (but enthusiastic) at sports, and acne-ridden, I believed that I had many limitations. So it felt like academics were the only area in which I could make any impact.

And then I read this quote. It didn't just tell me what one random person thought was a hero. It told me that I, too, could be one. To be honest, I never actually aspired to be a hero. But the quote made it seem so... doable. What an amazing discovery, to know that such a noble task was well within my grasp. So, I decided to start following the lesson of the quote in small ways. Over the years, I've become more observant, and faster at responding to small needs here and there. I'm not perfect at this by any means, and I still don't notice many things, so it remains a work in progress.

Bringing them together

What makes both these values so remarkable is that they are learnable. By anyone, at any age, no matter where you are in your life or what's happening around you. You can just decide to use them in the next action you decide to take.

The second thing is that they are scalable. Big actions can definitely reflect these values, but tiny actions work as well. A simple (possibly too simple) example could be when you're in a shop, paying for something at the till. Before you leave, you look up from your bag or phone to make eye contact as you thank the shop assistant. That tiny moment fulfills both values. First, you're taking the opportunity to connect with a person for a brief moment. And second, you're providing for a natural human need, which is a little spark of shared goodwill. A trivial example, but I think it covers it.

The popularity contest

Once I decided to run for head student, there was obviously a lot of work to do. I wrote a manifesto, plastered posters across the halls, and made speeches that attempted to be inspiring. I also talked to many, many more people than I normally did. My campaign actually gave me a way to break out of my shell and share something I was passionate about. Most people, even those I knew would not vote for me, responded with unconditional support and even admiration. I felt special in a way that was very new for me.

The day came for the student body to cast their votes. It was mostly a rushed blur, but one memory remains clear. A girl of about 11, tiny for her age, was running over to me urgently. I remembered that I knew her – I had spoken to her once before. She said she wanted to tell me a secret. I bent down so she could whisper into my ear. “I voted for you,” she confided. Then she ran away, leaving me blissfully stunned.

Some days later, the results were announced. The winner was, not surprisingly, the most popular girl in school. To her credit, she deserved it – she was not only popular, she was also smart, practical, and had both the ability and willingness to make changes for the better.

Later, I found out that the other candidates were told how many votes they got, by a student who had the tally. Oddly, he hadn't told me, so I decided to track him down. Once I found him, he said he'd check – then he continued to avoid me for days. I finally cornered him and demanded the count. Awkward and squirming, he told me I didn't get many votes at all and refused to share a number. I knew I wouldn't get more intel out of him, so I thanked him and walked casually away. I guess he didn't want to disappoint me, but I already knew what his answer would be – even before I had begun campaigning.

It was fun thinking back on a part of my life that I've ignored for many years. On the surface, it looks simply like I tried and failed at something. But as the length of this blog post demonstrates, there was a lot more to it than that.